Grief & Loss Support

Understanding the Impact

For many children, losing a grandparent is their first encounter with mortality. This loss often triggers anxiety about whether their parents will die next. Grandparents often hold a special, loving role in a child's life, and their death can be a child's first experience with the permanence of death.

Children might be very sad, but also very anxious after a grandparent dies. The most common fear is: "Will my mom or dad die next?" This requires immediate and ongoing reassurance.

What to Say

Practical Steps

• • Reassure about your own health and longevity in age-appropriate terms
• • Encourage sharing memories and stories about the grandparent
• • Include children in memorial activities if they want to participate
• • Create ongoing connections (looking at stars, continuing traditions)
• • Make a scrapbook of favorite grandparent memories together
• • Continue traditions the grandparent had (like baking their favorite cookies)

Memorial Ideas

• • Plant a tree or flower bush in the grandparent's honor
• • Create a memory box with photos and special items
• • Light a candle on special days and share a memory
• • Donate to a charity the grandparent cared about
• • Make a photo album or slideshow together

Understanding the Devastation

Few things are more devastating for a child than the death of a parent or primary caregiver. This loss shakes the very foundation of a child's world. Children will almost certainly worry: "What will happen to me now?" and fear that their other parent will die or leave them too.

Children often feel guilty or conflicted after a parent's death. They might think about times they misbehaved or weren't "nice" to the parent and feel regret. They may even be angry at the parent for "leaving," then feel guilty about that anger.

Immediate Reassurance Needed

Essential Support Steps

• • Address fears head-on with concrete reassurance about care
• • Normalize all feelings including anger at the parent for "leaving"
• • Enlist help from support network - you can't do this alone
• • Consider professional therapy - this is trauma-level loss
• • Keep the parent's memory alive in loving, ongoing ways
• • Maintain routines as much as possible for stability

Long-term Considerations

• • Grief will reprocess at different developmental stages
• • Keep communication open about the parent throughout childhood
• • Include the deceased parent in family stories and traditions
• • Be prepared for grief to resurface at milestones (graduations, etc.)
• • Consider ongoing counseling support as child grows

Multiple Layers of Loss

The death of a sibling involves many layers of grief: losing their daily companion, potential guilt ("Why am I alive and they're not?"), watching parents devastated, and possibly losing part of their identity (if you were always "the little sister," and now you're an only child).

Children who lose a sibling often experience survivor's guilt, fear ("Could this happen to me too?"), and worry about their parents' well-being because they see their parents devastated.

What to Explain

Supporting the Surviving Child

• • Explain clearly how the sibling died to calm fears about their own safety
• • Ensure surviving child still feels seen and cared for amid family grief
• • Include them in memorial activities and saying goodbye
• • Address survivor's guilt and role confusion
• • Don't expect them to "replace" or "fill in" for the deceased sibling
• • Allow them to keep some of their sibling's belongings if they want

Memorial Activities

• • Create a memory book or slideshow together
• • Plant a tree or flower in the sibling's memory
• • Continue the sibling's hobbies or interests if the child wants
• • Write letters to the sibling who died
• • Make a craft or artwork in their memory

Don't Minimize Pet Loss

The death of a pet is often a child's very first brush with loss – and it can be profoundly upsetting. Pets are beloved family members, and children develop deep bonds with them. Don't minimize the loss just because the loved one wasn't human.

Children may feel intense sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt ("Did I do something wrong?"), or worry ("If my pet died, could I die, or could you die?"). All these reactions are normal and valid.

Honest Explanations

Supporting Your Child

• • Treat as a real loss – use direct language like "died"
• • Reassure that pet's death wasn't their fault
• • Create farewell rituals (pet funeral, memory box)
• • Don't immediately replace with new pet
• • Use children's books about pet loss
• • Allow them to grieve and express feelings

Memorial Ideas

• • Hold a small "pet funeral" or memorial service
• • Bury the pet (or ashes) in the yard with a marker
• • Plant a flower or tree over the burial spot
• • Create a memory box with collar, photos, and drawings
• • Make a photo album of favorite pet memories
• • Draw pictures or write stories about the pet

Confronting Mortality

The death of a peer can be particularly jarring as it confronts children with the reality that young people can die, which they usually don't think about. Even if the child wasn't extremely close to the person, these losses can still have a significant impact.

Children may hear about it from others or on social media, so it's much better that they hear it from you directly, where they can get the facts and feel supported.

Breaking the News

How to Help

• • Be the one to break the news if possible
• • Give clear, factual information without speculation
• • Help child find ways to express empathy or say goodbye
• • Monitor exposure to media or peer gossip
• • Follow your child's cues on how to respond
• • Check in periodically in the following days/weeks

Ways to Say Goodbye

• • Draw a card or write a note to the family
• • Contribute to a memory poster at school
• • Attend a school memorial or candlelight vigil
• • Plant a tree in the friend's honor
• • Make a donation to a cause the family suggests
• • Light a candle at home and share a memory

Grieving the Family Unit

Children often grieve divorce like a death – mourning the loss of their family unit as they knew it, the change of having both parents together in their daily life, and possibly the loss of a home or school if moving is involved.

Children can feel sadness, anger, confusion, fear about the future, and very commonly guilt. Many children secretly worry that they somehow caused the divorce.

Essential Messages

Supporting Your Child

• • Reassure repeatedly that it's not their fault
• • Explain practical changes clearly with specific details
• • Keep children out of adult conflicts completely
• • Make it okay to love both parents
• • Create visual schedules for custody arrangements
• • Maintain consistency across both homes when possible

Practical Tools

• • Color-coded calendar showing "Mom days" and "Dad days"
• • Two sets of comfort items (stuffed animals, etc.)
• • Photo of both parents for each home
• • Consistent bedtime routines in both homes
• • Regular family meetings to address concerns
• • Professional counseling if adjustment is difficult